Crashed Pips - Computers, politics, emetic trash

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Andrew Burnham: Clueless

 

The Hon. Andrew Burnham, courtesy of 2-5 Media GbR

The Hon. Andrew Burnham, courtesy of 2-5 Media GbR

Andrew Burnham, the Minister for Culture (sorry, Culture Secretary - what exactly is his job?) has said in an interview with the Telegraph that cinema-style age ratings for Web sites are ‘an option’.

In an interview with The Daily Telegraph, Andy Burnham says he believes that new standards of decency need to be applied to the web. He is planning to negotiate with Barack Obama’s incoming American administration to draw up new international rules for English language websites.

The Cabinet minister describes the internet as “quite a dangerous place” and says he wants internet-service providers (ISPs) to offer parents “child-safe” web services.

Giving film-style ratings to individual websites is one of the options being considered, he confirms. When asked directly whether age ratings could be introduced, Mr Burnham replies: “Yes, that would be an option. This is an area that is really now coming into full focus.”

Compelete and utter nonsense. It’s totally unworkable.

Firstly, let’s remember the original goals of the Internet and the World Wide Web. The whole point was to create a medium where anyone could freely express himself, and be out of the reach of governments and censorship. This idea undermines the whole principle of ‘net neutrality’ on which the Web was founded.

Moreover, let’s not forget that filters are used all the time: and there are always ways to circumvent them. Just ask any twelve-year-old how they access Bebo during their ICT lessons: proxies are available and for every website blocked, another mirror or identical proxy will spring up somewhere else.

What Mr. Burnham appears not to understand is that the Internet is very much decentralised. Any computer can host a Web site with the right software installed, and when that’s connected to the Web, it can be accessed from any machine in the world. Mr. Burnham’s understanding of the Internet appears to be like a spider: with all information in the centre and clients all outside. It does not work like that.

It worries me that the Government is getting more heavy-handed with regards to the Internet, and, for once, even it’s now becoming worthwhile to host one’s Web site outside the UK. Guido Fawkes’s blog is moving to a host outside Great Britain, because, in his words, ‘Google UK likes to please governments.’ Even the Daily Mail (and most of its commentators!) agree that the whole idea is barmy.

Tom Watson MP, a Labour MP and cabinet minister who does understand technology, is inviting the public’s opinion on his Web site, which he will forward on to Burnham. It might be worth heading over there and giving your opinions on this cretinous proposal.



Sunday, December 7, 2008

Speakers of the House of Commons who Look Like Fruits, #887

Filed under: Humour, Politics — Tags: , , , , — Jonathan Rothwell @ 15:40

 

Separated at birth?

Separated at birth?



Sunday, November 23, 2008

What difference will -2.5% make?

Filed under: Politics — Tags: , , , , , — Jonathan Rothwell @ 23:30

Well, with it seeming almost certain that VAT will drop by 2.5% to 15%, what difference will it make? The difference, some simple maths tells us, will be 2.127659574468085106% (which we’ll round up to a 2.13% decrease in price for simplicity’s sake).

However, with this measure meant to kickstart consumer spending, what difference will it make? Very little, Mr. Mushnik. Let’s do some simple analysis.

As major purchases are most likely out of the question, let’s try something simple, like this Christmas’s must-have gadget, the iPhone 3G. That, with the 17.5% VAT rate, costs £349. Multiplying that by 0.9787 (subtracting 2.13%) gives us a grand total saving of… £8.43. Yes. With this measure, designed to kickstart the economy, the iPhone will now cost £341.57. Of course, figures may not be totally accurate or add up to 100% due to rounding.

In this respect, let’s try something more substantial, like a Samsung 40″ HD ready LCD TV from Currys. At present, it costs £549.99. With the cuts, it is… £538.38. Great. So you can save enough money to buy a DVD with your TV. T’riffic.

Going even more substantial, let’s try a car. Like, for example, a Chevrolet Lacetti, used as Top Gear’s benchmark reasonably priced car. The base model is £11,995. After cuts, that’ll be £11,739.51. Again, not a major difference considering the actual cost of the thing.

In this case, let’s try the other end of the spectrum as cars go. Aston Martin have recently announced the new One-77, which will cost somewhere between £1,050,000 and £1,200,000. We’ll take the 1.05+E6 figure as a conservative estimate. After cuts, that’s £1,027,635. That’s quite surprising: that’s a major difference.

So the VAT cut MAY make a difference after all: unemployed bankers undergoing early mid-life crises will all buy overpriced supercars, bouyed on by the fact they’ll have twenty-two grand left over at the end, which will cause all Aston Martins to fall way down Top Gear’s cool wall, which will ruin Aston Martin’s business, which will cause the automotive industry to collapse which will cause another crash on Wall Street which will eff up the economy for the next thousand years. Darling, YOU IMBECILE!



Gordon Brown Likes Packages

Filed under: Humour, Politics — Tags: , , , — Jonathan Rothwell @ 12:57
Gordon Brown IS the PackageMaster

Gordon Brown IS the PackageMaster

It apppears our Great Leader and his band of minions apostles have a very strange fetish - for packages.

It’s quite obvious to anyone who’s had at least one eye on political happennings for the last year or so. No act of the government is announced on its own any more - they are all part of packages. The alleged cut in VAT that may be announced in the pre-budget report? That’ll be part of a broad package of measures. When something bad happens, the typecast ‘annoying spokeswoman with strange accent and oddly-timed words’ will always be trundled out to tell journalists that they are ‘working with the community to put together an appropriate package so that we can invest in community services’ (i.e. they’re getting some old, fat, obscenely rich people together in a council chamber and making a quick, drunk decision before they go back out on the pull).

Of course, the Dear Leader may be the one orchestrating this package-fest, with his ministers obsequiously doing up the strapping and slapping on the FRAGILE label. Maybe Gordon subscribes to Packaging Digest, and reads it after a bad session of Prime Minister’s Questions.

Or maybe, just maybe… he’s scared of unilateral approaches, because even though they may work in practice, they look bad politically.



Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Thoughts on the BNP List

Filed under: Internet, Politics — Tags: , , , — Jonathan Rothwell @ 20:41
...your name will ALSO go on the list.

...your name will ALSO go on the list.

The leak of an old members’ list for the extreme right-wing BNP in the UK has raised some serious questions about the rights of extreme political parties.

Something that strikes me is that if I were a member of a political party, then I wouldn’t be ashamed about it. I’d be paid-up, and would probably have zero shame in declaring my membership of X party. I’d probably also be involved in party activism, so I’d probably make my e-mail, phone and postal address public (to some degree).

However, BNP members, apparently, don’t wish to be identified when phoning in to radio and TV shows, or leaving comments on the BBC’s web site. Is this because they’re ashamed, or afraid of threatening phone calls? Perhaps they fear for their job, or their friends and family.

Well… perhaps if the BNP didn’t have such despicable views, people would be less inclined to make threatening phone calls. If they weren’t racist, homophobic, fascist, hypocritical and two-faced, people’s perceptions might be a bit different. However, if their views are unacceptable - serves them right. I’m not saying that leaking the list was the right thing to do, but neither is what the BNP advocates.

In my opinion, they’re entirely deserving of something like this. If it helps to weed these vermin out of British society, then it serves them bloody well right.

A word of warning: I’m not posting the list here, or any links to it. It can be located by a quick Google search and on several torrent sites, but that’s your responsibility. Anyone posting any segments of the list in the comments section will be killfiled permanently and with immediate effect.



Monday, November 17, 2008

Have Your Say Nonsense

Filed under: Internet, Politics, The News — Tags: , , , — Jonathan Rothwell @ 18:37

Presumably, the BBC’s Have Your Say was set up as part of the ‘interactive media’ push of the late 1990s and early 2000s. Put simply, it allows the ‘Great Unwashed’ to vent their collective spleens about things the fictional ’silent majority’ hate - restrictions on cars and smoking, immigration, homosexuality, and the assault on Christmas.

Take this discussion on the Barnardo’s report on attitudes towards children as an example. If it was on video, I’d run it through the cliché counter: one can tell, just thanks to the subject matter, that the whinging minority will be moaning about YOB’S, the FERAL YOUTH and THUGS. Of course, anyone under 25 who speaks with a slight accent and wears a hoody is automatically a troublemaker. Yeah. Right.

A hand-picked (and caged) selection of the comments lives below the fold. It seriously worries me that these people haven’t yet fallen victim to natural selection and will believe everything the Daily Heil tells them. While I’m not saying there aren’t thuggish children on the streets, there are thuggish adults as well. And people have always enjoyed moaning about ‘kids today…’

(more…)



Sunday, October 5, 2008

Who’d make a better VP than Sarah Palin?

Filed under: Humour, Politics, US election 2008 — Tags: , , — Jonathan Rothwell @ 13:39

There’s no denying that Sarah Palin is mad, and having her a heartbeat (or a cessation of) away from the Presidency is a truly ghastly thought. So who would we prefer?

Well, I’ve devised a short list of people who I think are wore qualified for the position than Ms Palin. And here they are, in reverse order:

Sauron's campaign shot. Here he is demonstrating how in touch he is with the current, futuristic trend for bling

Lord Sauron demonstrating how well he connects with Young People by 'showing off' his taste in 'bling'

Number 3: If McCain is to find a partner who can connect with both the older and the younger generation, he may want to pass on this suggestion for the Dark Lord Sauron. Obama, of course, already has Joe Biden to speak for the younger generation. However, I can certainly see that Lord Sauron would deal with the US’s financial worries: just annexe Switzerland and take their money.

He may also gain some street cred, with his fasionable bling and the fact that he has starred in quite a popular wideo game and film franchise. However, with a 5,800-year-old personality like his, there’s always a risk that the power could go to his head. He’s done it before, but Lord Sauron has since been rehabilitated to overcome his power-crazed delusions.

Mr. Davros would have a policy of free stairlifts for all

Mr. Davros would have a policy of free stairlifts for all

Overall, a better choice may be my second candidate, who is a little less well known: a Mr. Davros of Skaro. Hecortainly has good policies: I particularly like his championing of the rights of the disabled, having promised free stairlifts for all, be they human, android or rolling robot. He would also certainly be very good at containing any insurgency in Iraq or Afghanistan (he pioneered the Dalek™ Automatic Extermination Device) and would laugh off a threat of war with Russia.

However, the same concerns are cropping up with Davros as have Palin. With him a mild shock away from the presidency, how do we know that he’s not going to implement his other views (including the annexation of the UK, Ireland, Europe, Asia, Africa, Antarctica, South America, Mexico, Canada, Australasia, Antarctica, Mars, Mercury, Venus, the Outer Gas Giants, the Kuiper Belt, and the rest of the local group)?

Evidently, my search for the perfect vice president was turning out to be more difficult than I had anticipated. However, it was not long before I had an epiphany on the subject.

MCPO John-117 launching his campaign. The campaign slogan is Tomorrow Will Be Better Than Yesterday

MCPO John-117 (right) launching his campaign. The campaign slogan is 'Tomorrow Will Be Better Than Yesterday'.

I therefore put it to you that Master Chief Petty Officer John-117, of tho Halo series of computer games and books, is the ideal Vice President of the USA. It may seem mad, at first, to elect a cyborg with possible blood relations to Top Gear’s Stig, but think about it. He’s:

  • got a spotless war record
  • idolised by hundreds of thousands of young people
  • well known
  • got plenty of sex appeal (that armour creates an aura of mystery, which the ladies and gay gentlemen simply adore)
  • got socialist, Marxist ideas that America needs in these times of economic recession
  • going to keep his mouth shut when he retires: instead of being noisily embarrassing like Clinton or Bush Sr., he will retire to a quiet part of Cornwall in England, only reappearing to present Countryfile and exercise his new hobby as an amateur sleuth
  • human
  • not a baddie
  • not Sarah Palin

Case rested. Supersoldiers serving 500 years in the future would be better as Vice President of the USA than Sarah Palin.



Tuesday, August 12, 2008

What MPs do in their summer holidays

Filed under: Humour, Politics, Television — Tags: , , — Jonathan Rothwell @ 15:11

I have made perhaps the most revelatory discovery in the history of British politics: I have conclusively discovered where MPs go during the Parliamentary summer recess.

It seems obvious to me that they tried to mask their identity, but they weren’t fooling anyone: it was a particularly bad move for them to choose to be in the audience of a Saturday night primetime lottery show hosted by Tess Daly. However, with proper behaviour, their presence could have been masked: instead, they foolishly behaved in the same way they do in the House of Commons, thus revealing their identity.

Parliament spotted in the audience for <i>The National Lottery: This Time Tomorrow</i>. Their presence is obvious with the shouting and the waving about of pieces of paper. © BBC 2008 - used fairly for critical analysis under UK law.

Parliament spotted in the audience for The National Lottery: This Time Tomorrow. Their presence is obvious with the shouting and the waving about of pieces of paper. © BBC 2008 - used fairly for critical analysis under UK law.

Gotcha.

Have Your Say: Vote in the Poll

[poll id="3"]



Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Google and naming inconveniences

Filed under: Internet, Politics, The News — Tags: , , , , — Jonathan Rothwell @ 22:34

I have made a discovery on the Internet. It is Very Very Interesting. So Very Very Interesting in fact, that I have decided to write a blog post about this Very Very Interesting topic. That said, I won’t do a Jeremy Clarkson style “I had a look on the Internet this week, and I found this! <audience laughs, gasps in shock, groans in revulsion>”. It is simply a Very Very Interesting topic.

As you may well know if you live in the Glasgow East parliamentary constituency, there will be a by-election tomorrow. Labour are expected to perform poorly, and the Lib Dems are expected to come either third or fourth.

Most agree that one day, the Liberal Democrat candidate, Ian Robertson, will become a successful politician. Indeed, I hope he does: the Liberal Democrats are currently the least BS-filled political party about.

However, whilst looking for information on him this evening, I found something Very Very Interesting.

I decided to use a FWSE* to query “Ian Robertson” in said FWSE’s index. The FWSE returned a results page, which I found Very Very Interesting.

There are no less than eleven other Ian Robertsons who appeared before the Mr. Robertson’s little corner of the WWW protocol network. These Ian Robertsons include a psychology professor, a sports newsreader on BBC Radio Five Live, an obscure actor, a Kiwi photographer, a landscape gardener, and, perhaps most bizarrely, a man who is a masseur, yoga teacher, photographer and Unix expert all at the same time. The last actually lives in Scotland.

This is, of course, not a new phenomenon. James O’Malley fashioned an entire post out of name-sharing, entitled Picking on people who share names with bastards. However, with him buried so deep in Google search results, it’s no surprise he’s not likely to win the by-election tomorrow.

Interestingly, Mr. Robertson has a Twitter feed. Is the image of ‘over capacity’ and ‘unreliable’ and ‘cute’ one Mr. Robertson wants to portray to voters? Oh, well. Barack Obama’s going through it too.

*Don’t get this? You haven’t been reading the New Scientist for long enough.



Saturday, June 14, 2008

Daily Express: “PAAANIIIIC!!!!”

Filed under: Communications, Politics — Tags: , , , , , — Jonathan Rothwell @ 16:28

So, Shell petrol tanker drivers have started a strike at several fuel depots, demanding a £4,000 pay rise. It’s not been too major. Shell petrol stations have been empty, but there have been plenty of other fuel stations open. The government has advised the public not to panic, or panic buy.

So, in typical fashion, what has the Daily Express to say on this issue?

Just fancy that.

Daily Express front covers copyright Daily Express, 2008.



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